November reflection

This month has served as a period of self-evaluation for me, which classically means a lot of clashing dialogues with my conscience at any moment in time. I think it’s good to maintain an active relationship with your conscience- as long as you keep it between you and your conscience, of course. It also reflects, to me at least, just how imperfect and unsure I am of every single step I make in life, more so than I had willed myself to admit. Perhaps some revolve around so-called redundant matters like what to cook for dinner, whether I should do the laundry now or later, etc. but some others do carve their makings into the patterns of my present and future. Besides, I intend not to belittle every small decision I make, even if it were a question of choosing between fresh and frozen broccoli, for the lack of a better example.

I suppose it began with me spraining my left ankle for the umpteenth time and pretended to be superman by continuing to walk up and down the hill on my way to class before taking buses and trams like I always did, play sports, and injuring it again with the coolest of bruises that extended up to 5cm above the ankle. My sister chewed me out with talks of permanent damage if I didn’t give it a proper rest and that I might not even be able to become a surgeon because I couldn’t stand for long. So I decided to be kind to my hurt ankle by selling my newly-bought bus-and-tram pass and taking marshrut to class for the entire month. I was also to come straight back home after every class without any unnecessary detours. To make a short story shorter, I’ve been having a lot of ‘me’ time as a result, which explains the self-evaluation part.

Some other trials and tribulations played their roles as well, and I’ve been trying hard to take a positive approach towards everything I’ve faced so far. It’s quite amusing when someone recently commented that I always seemed happy doing whatever I was doing, when in fact I had just cried my eyes out earlier that day. In one way or another, it’s a good thing that I managed to keep the negative aura within bounds, but some of my issues need solutions, for which I am yet to uncover. I’m turning to Allah for strength, and to my parents for inspiration in facing their own ordeals. My father is the archetype of calmness, and faces his current test in a most exemplary attitude as a Muslim. My mother, despite being a worrywart, never fails to give me the most necessary advices when I need them. I look up to them both, and pray Allah will ease them along their every path.

This year has been a year of tests for our family- plainly spelled out for my youngest brother and sister in the form of PMR and SPM, more intricately woven for the rest of us in many ways feasible. That’s not to say it’s a bad year- for me it’s been… enlightening, with lots of ups and downs. In the struggle for the better, occasionally- okay, more than occasionally- the demon in me will come out and spoil my willpower. It’s a constant frustration, the bane of my resolution. Yes, nobody’s perfect- everybody has their inner demons- but, whether it is due to better awareness in my part (how I wish so), or just for the degree of evilness it truly is, I really hate mine and wanna totally get rid of it. I suspect it won’t ever go away fully, but maintaining the struggle, or jihad, is essential nonetheless. Inner demons are not good for you- they mess with your mind, dim your hopeful future, and make you look totally uncool in front of your conscience.

Today, further sad news came to test us- my great-grandmother just passed away in the morning due to a lung infection. I last saw her in August, during which she appeared healthy and in high spirits- she even gave me a good hard slap on the thigh after laughing from a joke. I pray that she be placed amongst the blessed believers in the hereafter and spared from any torment in the grave. And let’s all reserve a moment to remind ourselves of this fleeting phase called life, and its nemesis, death- how near it is to each and every one of us regardless of age, gender, status, race… and how (un)prepared we truly are for it.

Bon anniversaire!

To a beautiful person who turns 21 today. We haven’t met in two years, yet she is still the person I wish to share all my happy and sad stories with. It is still a wish, but I think we’re past all that nitpicking- no matter what happens, we will always have each other’s back to cling to. Be happy, and may Allah place us under His guidance always.

After yet another search for old pics and two CDs later, I found these, taken when we last went to eat sushi, which I believe was in 2005. That's ancient, kiddo.

Eid moments

I promised my parents some photos so here they are. I've been having a persistent sore throat for the past two days which can't be assuaged by almost a pack of Strepsils; the catalyst must have been all the rendang and laksa and soto up till last night. My bad. So today begins my 'detox' campaign- healthy food all the way... ;p

SUNRISE, 1st day of Eid







CLASS AND LECTURE, 1st day of Eid

with our Ophthalmology lecturer








with fellow 4th year students before lecture on Obstetrics

OPEN HOUSE, 3rd day of Eid

kuih raya

kuah kacang, a hit with everyone every year (which, unfortunately, I've never fancied)

Fatin and Naj digging out Farah's yummy laksa

Most of 4th year Muslim students with some of our non-Muslim friends

4th year girls

SUNRISE, 6th day of Eid









OPEN HOUSE, 6th day of Eid

Soto and Laksa at Anis's and Baya's house




Hosts and guests posing together

Eid and sunrises

We’re celebrating eid on Tuesday over here- a heartfelt wish to my Muslim brothers and sisters all over the world. Ramadhan, as always, elapse fleetingly, and I am routinely left wondering whether I have truly made the most of this period of bounty and mercy.

First day of Syawal will be observed within the four walls of our mobster of a lecturer’s room, trembling from fear of being the next victim of her ‘constructive criticism’. Haha. I made her sound quite criminal, but she’s not, really. She just scowls instead of smiles, and does not practice filtration of thoughts, is all. Oh and don’t try to act smart unless you’re sure, or she may start to question your worth as a human being. These trivia swept aside though, she’s a brilliant doctor and teacher. I just wish our Opthalmology classes had ended before Syawal- next cycle is pretty stress-free- so that we can have a proper celebration.

We’re going through quite a chilly autumn now, as opposed to last autumn at this time of year. Green colour still dominates, although the shade gets duller by the day. I’m coveting the sight of my favourite season here- seas of golden leaves with blushes of crimson speckled in between. It’s the best time for choosing to walk back home from classes- the best time for appreciating the delicacy of nature, as the weather is neither too cold nor too hot for comfort. The sun rises later, giving you a chance to get a glimpse of its glory (no similar chance during summer- unless you’re an owl).

I’ve seen so many sunrises here, more than I’ve ever had back in Malaysia. As seasons trade places, so do my sleeping and waking time, and thus, for a variety of reasons, I consider watching the sunrise most opportune during late autumn and early winter, and exam time in summer (when you magically transform into an owl). For the past three years I’ve lived in this side of the building, facing the sunrise. And all this while, I’ve been longing to switch to the other side towards the sunset. For I’ve always thought that sunsets are prettier than sunrises, and the sunsets here are really something to behold of. Imagine a rainbow the size of the sky.

When it comes down to it, I can watch the sunset every day easily as my sister’s room is just on the opposite side- she indulges in the wonder every day. But I don’t. For the most part, it’s due to lack of attentiveness- the sky will almost always have gone dark when I come to notice about time. But also, I love the moment when I suddenly come across the sunset once in a while- the surge of amazement at such an ornate mesh of colours profiling the sky. I doubt the feeling of awe will recede by watching it every day, but occasions do make things appear more special.

In spite of it, however, I still wish I can watch the sunset every day- some things I believe won’t lose their magic even through constant repetition, and sunsets are one of them.

For now though, I’m perfectly content with beautiful sunrises.

The Tempest

Salam Ramadhan everyone.

Two months later and it might feel like I’ve lost my grasp on the writing habit- you know what they say after a continuous 40 days of doing something (or not doing something, for that matter). But old habits die hard, and I’ve been itching since roughly five weeks ago to phrase my thoughts into coherent writing. Suffice to say that I’ve failed, miserably, which says a lot about my current state of mind- incomprehensible. I’m strangely in high spirits, but not the kind that gets you jumping up and down the floor screaming your heads off- more like lying-down-on-bed-dreaming kind of happy. I’m not very happy with the lack of words forming in my head though- swimming around merrily, but always out of reach. A brick wall inside your head is so not convenient.

So since I’ve been sidelined by my own head, I’d better be efficient- I’ll compartmentalise this post into appropriate moments that best illustrate the past two months I’ve been missing.

Best moment(s): every waking moment at home- I’ve been more ‘domestic’ than ever this holiday, traveling only to KL a few times for some grinding legal matters, meeting family and friends… but still it’s the best holiday so far (although I thought the same last year, and the year before too). The Olympics were so much fun and I found myself watching events that I never had much before, like archery and rowing, alongside favourite ones like football, tennis, swimming, badminton, and gymnastics. Other seemingly mundane stuff like eating out, taking pictures along the beach near the house, going to the local pasar malam, and sweating it out at Bukit Pelindung, were enough to make me one contented person.

With Tiey and Mant.

With Bihah and Mant.

With Erfa. Nice chocolate nectar eh, Pa? *laughs*


Worst moment(s): I don’t think it need be spelt, but well, I‘ll do it for effect. Hehe. The last day on home soil wins hands down as my worst moment this year, even. Summer holidays puzzlingly felt like they were getting shorter and shorter each coming year and by the end of it this time, I was totally caught by surprise. August especially, flew by unnervingly. So, the usual drama at the airport took place (I warned my dad beforehand not to make me cry this time, but he did, again. Argh.), plus another drama involving overweight luggages (we’re students! Give us some leeway!), and another involving that unfortunate time of month- all of which combined to make me one depressed traveler. Oh and, as always, I strained from the urge to vomit right before touching down on my final destination- what was with all the fancy motions by the plane anyway? It occurs every single time I fly, at the same location. Twilight zone stuff.

With family at KLIA before departure.

Funniest moment(s): I’ve retold this story over and over again, and I still find it tickling to the bones. There was a health awareness program at the clinic where my father worked and I accompanied him there for the day. A blood drive was held, and so I went to donate mine. The medical assistant there asked me random questions whilst poking me with the giant needle- my place of study, course, etc. Afterwards he got up to the nurses gathering nearby and jokingly said that someone came from Russia, referring to me. Not long after, a nurse came to my side, smiled, and asked, “Can you speak Malay?” Puzzled, all I could utter was “uh?” and she good-naturedly repeated her question before the situation sank in. I stifled the urge to laugh as I sheepishly answered her question to the affirmation. She then realised her misconception and gave an embarrassed laugh, together with practically everyone within a two-metre radius. Jeez, someone actually took me for a Russian, which was a hoot, considering how many Russians would normally stare at me like I couldn’t get more alien. Haha.

Weirdest moment(s): Have you seen a tapir other than the ones at the zoo? And two days in a row? I happened to see one at my grandfather’s orchard as he ran towards us before fleeing the other direction. The white saddle of his body startled me- he truly looked like a giant baby in a napkin. The very next day, I followed my dad to work (in Kerteh) and on the way back we saw a dead tapir by the roadside, appearing to have been hit by a car. There were cliffs at either side of the road with dividers alongside it, so it seemed unlikely that the tapir was attempting to cross the road in front of a car- he must have been hit whilst going along the road, a situation that seemed bizarre anyways. The weird encounters piqued my interest in the well-being of these cute animals. I know tapirs are endangered and protected animals, but unlike many other similarly-fated creatures in the past and present, these guys are not being hunted to extinction- they are essentially being driven out of their habitats due to deforestation for developmental purposes. What use is the protected status if they’re being actively rendered homeless by the authorities anyway? Do these people think tapirs find it fun to take a stroll across highways?

Sometimes people can just be infuriatingly ignorant about the welfare of our less-intelligent cohabitants. I can’t expect everyone to go gushy over a cute cat, sure, but at least practice some civilisation, if not compassion. Those who think it’s amusing to drill holes into a spider’s abode for instance, think again, this time using your brain. Would you like this to be done to you? Being ousted from your home and worse still, you can’t even say anything about it? Animals may lack higher cognitive functions that humans possess, but they know when we are being cruel to them. Unlike us, they are not capable of being cruel. So where’s the sense of shame? It’s not the fact that you see me as an animal lover- if treating these lovable creatures with justice and respect they deserve is solely the task of an animal lover, then every single one of us should become one. Enough of the unkindness and warped sense of superiority. Please.

Scariest moment(s): A tie between going past Bukit Bauk in Kerteh and my ambulatory exam second week of the current semester. My father told me the story of Bukit Bauk, a place so haunted people who went there came back suffering from fits of hysteria. The recreational park built at the foot of hill had been abandoned as nobody dared to come close to it. Every motorist going to Dungun though, must pass the entrance to the park, and even this near-encounter had caused some tingly experiences for many. So when my father and I were spending the night at Dungun due to the health awareness program the following day, I was naturally terrified at the thought of passing by the hill. Thankfully nothing happened, but my heart was doing double-twists the whole way, which I was sure had nothing to do with the works of supernatural creatures. My father, however, said he had intense headache as we drove past the infamous area. I made a silent vow not to ever go through this experience again.

The exam was an entirely different matter- we were all not really aware of its existence other than its existence (meaning we knew there would be an exam but were vague on the details), and all of a sudden we were doing practical reports and slammed with tens of questions about emergency medicine for the exam, all in a span of three days. I didn’t exactly nail it, enough to say, but it could have gone worse. And lucky I had the nice old lady for examiner. ;p

Special moments that made the holiday different: visiting my Quran teachers, old headmaster and great-grandmother. The first ustaz, Ustaz Yusof, had taught me Quran since I was little (about four I think) until I reached standard six, when he became ill and stopped teaching altogether. He was the one who taught me the proper way to recite the Quran, with precise makhraj and tajwid, and I couldn’t thank him enough for that. His strictness (always with a cane in hand) made us work harder; any moment of daydreaming would be swiftly halted by his booming, scolding voice.

Ustaz Hussein, in contrast, was very gentle n soft-spoken. He taught me the art of taranum, and a bit of berzanji. I first had a dream of me visiting him this holiday and immediately asked my dad about the plan, and thought of visiting the other two influential persons in my life as well. Seeing him for the first time after a few years made my eyes welled up with tears- he looked very thin and frail, walking with the aid of a walking frame. And as a result of his conditions, he didn’t remember every single one of us, even after we prompted him with details. I felt a mixture of sadness and happiness as we talked; sad to see him unwell and so thin (he used to be a little plump), happy to be able to see him again. It didn’t matter very much that he didn’t remember me anymore, I just wished him well and always under Allah’s blessings and protection.

Meeting Ustaz Yusof was a merrier event- he seemed healthy and in good spirits. We drank tea as we listened to his childhood stories, mainly about how he came to choose to study religion instead of more ‘academic’ courses, as he was one of the top students in his state at the time. When we were leaving, he broke into tears as he hugged my brother, and as I watched, I too, had to wipe away a tear or two. Elder people are easy to please- a simple visit like this is enough to make them feel so happy and appreciated, something that we younger people have to learn a lot from. Ustaz Hussein even said, “bila orang ziarah, rasa mcm ubat kepada penyakit kita.” Let’s be more grateful for what others have done to us, no matter how small the deed is.

Next destination: my old headmaster, whom I called mudir (‘headmaster’ in Arabic). He fell sick not a while ago, but when we met him he appeared to be his positive and smiling self. I looked up to him when I was a scruffy standard-one student- I would wait for him to arrive at school in his red proton saga and open his door for him. He would then thank me profusely and search his pockets for a RM1 coin to give me as a reward, and made my day. He was my English teacher, and a very good one at that. But more importantly, he was a great motivator- always encouraging me to expand my abilities further, be it in English or other subjects, by entering writing and oratory competitions, and even offered me to skip a grade once (it was a private school so that was possible). In short, he was my unofficial mentor, something not any teacher could simply be.

We took pictures with all three of them, and all of them had one common remark when asked for it- “Kena pakai cantik-cantik sikit…!” Ustaz Yusof even insisted to change his shirt and put on his serban. Hehe.

My sister, brother, and I with ustaz Hussein and his wife.

With Ustaz Yusof.

With Mudir.

I am not one of those students who are very close to their teachers; those who ask a lot of questions, confide in them with their problems, and even have their telephone numbers at hand… that’s not me. I prefer to ask my friends before resorting to the teacher (something that my mother wasn’t very happy with- “Always ask your teachers!” Hehe) and I keep my polite distance from them, save a very few. It’s not that I don’t value them much- I do- but I don’t know… perhaps because I was quite the rebel and often got into trouble with some teachers (minor stuff, nothing quite tragic). But anyway, I do appreciate my teachers and I want to visit them at my old schools, but due to my aforesaid states of relationship with most of them, I’d rather be accompanied by friends and visit as a group. So friends who read this, let’s do it sometime, alright? ;)

The last event I would like to mention is the visit to my great-grandmother’s place in Muar. My sister and I went with our grandparents on a day’s visit. She was the mother of my mother’s father, and, according to her identification card, she turned 100 this year (which was a bit far-fetched- she was more like 90). When we met her, she was in an amazingly good shape, her memory more than anything else. She remembered us clearly, what we were up to, and asked the well-being of each of our siblings. We stayed for lunch and went back to KL that evening.

I didn’t meet a lot of my friends this time, but I got to meet people from the older generation instead, which was just as swell. I might sound a bit dramatic in my accounts, but I did feel quite emotional during those visits, something that I tried to somewhat conceal at the time. I pray to Allah s.w.t to bless all these good people and put them amongst the righteous in the hereafter.

So there. An attempted short report made long. Excuse my plain and crude language, I’m writing this during a very demanding rotation with a lecturer whose remarks and expressions remind me of the Wicked Witch of The West, or bitter lemon. She’s a very good teacher though, but I still doubt I’ll ever consider choosing Ophthalmology as a specialty. Hehe.

Alright, I’m off to cook for iftar. I wish everyone a very happy and meaningful last ten days of Ramadhan, and special wish goes to my mother, father, brothers Muhammad and Luqman, sister Aliah; grandparents Aki, Tok Siah, Tok Mat and Tok Ampang; Acik, Ateh, Acu, Ummi Cik, Aunty Og, Aunty Ita, Aunty Hanis, and their respective families; Aunty Dah, Ibu, and all my friends… I’m sorry if I missed anyone. I guess this is my version of Salam Perantau.;p

My mum and dad... they celebrated their 24th anniversary on September 9th. May Allah bless both of you always. ;)

Ps: Today (22nd September) marks our 3rd anniversary of coming to Russia by the way. =)
Pps: Is this like, my longest post ever? *cackles*

of knights and vassals

Entering the third week of my holiday and I can conclude that I've done good in the eating department, at least. Still working on other more productive activities as planned, but goodness, idyllic times can be deceptive. In other words, whilst I should be writing some serious stuff about my travels, I'm being lured into building an army in this Knighthood game in Facebook by my dad. He has become some sort of a fan whilst I just only realised (or remembered, I can't remember) that I actually have an account, and about a hundred of unanswered gifts/invitations. He's now instructing me to expand my marketplace and recruit more vassals. I currently have about, uh, 6, so my friends out there, beware- I'm going to add all of you as my friends (and vassals) in Facebook! hahaha... dah lame tak buat bende2 mcm ni.

I did manage to read a couple of good books, climb manggis trees at my grandfather's orchard, buy stuff off my grocery list to bring back to the land of the bears, play with the cats (my allergy's getting worse though), and a full swing of other ordinary activities that define a wonderful holiday. But I still want to do some extraordinary things (in my book at least) this time around, so don't write me off just yet.

And I've got myself a new camera at long last... though I must decline the invitation to join the macro war by my uncles- haven't finished reading the manual yet, plus am still undergoing basic lessons from my brother on several techniques. Hehe. Another year, perhaps? ;p

Loving my moment!

Sweet nothings

It’s the same air we breathe, yet it feels different. Yes, it’s more humid, but that’s totally beside the point. I’m talking about this refreshing wave of familiarity rekindled; this friendly hot air pumping your sweat glands to work at full force- not quite unlike summer on the other side, but that minus the friendliness of course. Ask me not to elaborate on the friendliness- when you’ve lived three years in a land not exactly hailed for its hospitality, even the air becomes foreign.

So the long-anticipated summer holidays have finally arrived for everyone. I came home with quite an ambition this time- made a whole list of ambitious stuff to be accomplished. Like, for instance, finishing brutally unfinished chapters of growing travelogues. Perfecting my French- I mean, Russian. Or both, perhaps. Finding a lifelong cure for acne. The list goes on. Frankly, I think I have a better chance at winning Wimbledon than completing the list. Speaking of which, by the way, Federer lost to Nadal in a brilliant five-setter that got me glued to the screen till way past 4 in the wee hours of morning, no thanks to London rain which had the match suspended twice (thank God they’ll be putting the roof from next year onwards). I still think Federer’s winners (and not to mention aces) in his comeback after down two to love were pure genius, but kudos to Nadal for such dogged perseverance and vigour. It sure makes me wanna pick my racket up again… if only I had someone to play with. Tsk. (Erfa...!!!)

Writing has to take a backseat for a while now as I have tons to catch up on my reading. Except, of course, writing my travelogues. Yes, yes. Anyone interested, stay tuned… ;p

Eurexam's over

Alhamdulillah... Exam's over, Euro 2008's over. Both went very well for me. Hehe. Now I'm going home.

ps: Congratulations to my seniors who graduated last week!

Eurexam 2008

Final exams are five days away. So is Euro 2008. We’re having a conflict of interests here, see... the Fred Flintstone in me is racing wildly to Austria-Switzerland screaming "Yabba dabba do!" whilst the Homer Simpson in me is staring at those gooey pathological features of a cell with a "D'oh!" thrown in every now and then. We know who’ll win in the end (Homer’s pretty scary when he’s at it). My point is, Russia’s in the game so presumably I’ll be hearing extra mega-loud cheering from the building across (or wherever) this time, just like when they won the ice hockey world championship 2 weeks ago. It’s about time I put my earplugs to use.

In earnest, I have more than just doubts toward myself regarding the finals this time around. The year has been a farrago of doubts, confusion, surprises, fear, and discoveries, and now that it’s coming to a close, I’m not sure whether I am a better person for it. I hope so, but it’s been like a gain some, lose some thing for me all year round. I got a taste of adulthood when I came here, given carte blanche to orchestrate my own symphony of life, but often I long for my carefree days as a child. And final exams are an illustration of the few things you undergo throughout your entire life which become subject to evolution, themselves.

When you were little, you wanted to score 100% in all subjects. When you got older and the stuff you learned became curiously trickier, you lowered the bar a little- straight As were the goal. When you came here, you still wanted A (or the equivalent of it, which was 5), but counting in the peculiarity of the system, a B wouldn’t be so bad. Even a C didn’t necessarily mean you were a bad student, considering the circumstances you might have been unluckily pitched in. I don’t blame the system- every system has a flaw- but it does provide you with a comfy cushion for your impending frustrations. And that's exactly what I fear of- the comfort.

In the end, it’s up to each and everyone’s own efforts to rise above the system and fly solo. It does not matter much, in my opinion, whether you study locally or abroad. A good student is a good student, no matter where they are. And I want to be that student.

So I need to get off the laptop now. Mak and Abah, please pray for my success. Can’t wait to get home.

"It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small." –Neil Armstrong

Blessed gardens

The increasingly bleak visage of this blog, fueled by the occasional words of reminder from a few people which are noticeably becoming frequent (thank you), I feel like I should finally write a word or two. Presumably I’ve been busy, although looking at the things that I do every day, one might have a hard time telling apart a medical student from a standard-fiver. However, final exams are almost here and everyone’s all gung-ho about it (actually more about the part that comes after it, where we’re going back home, but let’s skip the details.), so I think I’m gonna wash my white coat soon and come out brand new- literally and metaphorically speaking. Hehe.

Last week we held a fundraising campaign for the construction of a new mosque in the Kirovskiy region of Volgograd. Some of the activities included a talk, clip show, charity sale, and a trip to the current mosque adjacent to the construction site of the new one. We had all been made aware of the cause last year but not many really understood the dire need of it (me included). I thought, so they were building a mosque, good, good… I’d be glad to donate what my wallet could offer at the time.

But that day I decided to participate in the trip, and I finally understood, wholeheartedly... I was rendered speechless at the sight of the humble mosque which was about the size of a three-person room in my hostel (which we still complain about from time to time). We'd been shown a video interview of the elders who frequented the mosque earlier during our talk at the hostel, and I thought they were showing a part of the praying area, but really that was about the whole of it. The place itself was a picture of utmost calm, with comfy rugs and comforters over wooden benches where the elders sat, but it was nowhere sufficient for local Muslims to pray, especially during Friday prayers. The only other mosque in Volgograd (where Malaysians usually frequented) was also reported to be barely adequate during Fridays.

The cost of building the new mosque is estimated at 15 million Roubles (roughly equivalent to RM 2 million) and the accumulated sum so far is approximately 2 million Roubles (13.33% of the required amount)- 1 and a half years after the fund’s initiation, from what we were told. So you can see that we’re in quite a fix here. The project didn’t receive financial backing from the state government, although apparently talks are under way (which I imagine won’t be a walk in the park, not in very secular Russia). I feel like I need to do something besides giving a few wads of cash, and spreading the word seems about the only thing I’m in power of doing at the current ‘minion’ state of mine.

I thought I could do a decent job, perhaps with beautiful flowing words to attract people to the plea, but I guess this can get no plainer. Nevertheless, it’s an honest plea on behalf of Muslims in Volgograd who will tremendously benefit from the building of this mosque/Islamic centre, and you and I can be part of the barakah attained within it. I may not even be here when the mosque is finally completed, but building a mosque (especially where it's urgently needed) is a lasting heritage, a grounds for mercy in the hereafter, so that’s enough motivation for me.

If anyone would like to find out more about the project, please visit here. Contact persons are given at the site, but if you would like to make donations through me, you can email me at thescientist02@yahoo.com.

“And the likeness of those who spend their substance, seeking to please Allah and to strengthen their souls, is as a garden, high and fertile: heavy rain falls on it but makes it yield a double increase of harvest, and if it receives not heavy rain, light moisture sufficeth it. Allah seeth well whatever ye do.” (Al-Baqarah:265)

Cliche cliche

As far as I had wanted to avoid a birthday post cliche, I'm writing one now- a short one. I'm 22 today, and as far as I am concerned, I am but a small pea in a bowl of pea soup. The longer I live, the more I see of the world- the same world that I have lived in all my life is shedding more n more of its kaleidoscope of light, making me feel like a newborn every once in while. Sometimes, the world's like a dear old friend; often it's an intriguing stranger. I've been blessed, saddened, disgusted, elated, and lately purely amazed at the complex machinery of the world's most prominent property- the people. I won't delve further into it now, but for one facet of the amazement- people's kindness. I realise today that there are so many people who are kind towards me yet I do little to reciprocate the humanity. People talk about little acts of kindness. In truth there exists no such thing- every act of kindness is BIG.

To everyone that matters, thank you for making my heart swell so large from your kindness (this sounds like something I've written last year or something. haha). May Allah bless you all.

Living zombie

Here I am again, about to apologise to my sorry self for not keeping up with my resolution. It seems like I’ve been doing a number of fancy pirouettes with my circadian rhythm lately that I’m entering some sort of zombie mode now. And I might look like I’m about to fall into a state of anarchy at any moment, but that’s normal, because I’m sitting for my ‘certification exam’ for therapy and surgery next week, with a skimpy 3-day gap between one and the other. Charming, a student’s life, isn’t it? It’s bad enough that we get so few holidays here; they also conduct exams during regular schooldays, amidst neck-breaking classes. Alright, I’m exaggerating (the neck-breaking part, not the exam-during-school part. That's true.). A little random ‘experiment’ the other day pointed me to verse 112 (and the following verses) of Surah Al-Mu’minun which translate as follow:-

He will say: "What number of years did ye stay on earth?"

They will say: "We stayed a day or part of a day: but ask those who keep account."

He will say: "Ye stayed not but a little,- if ye had only known!

"Did ye then think that We had created you in jest, and that ye would not be brought back to Us (for account)?"

Therefore exalted be Allah, the King, the Reality: there is no god but He, the Lord of the Throne of Honour!

If anyone invokes, besides Allah, Any other god, he has no authority therefor; and his reckoning will be only with his Lord! and verily the Unbelievers will fail to win through!

So say: "O my Lord! grant Thou forgiveness and mercy for Thou art the Best of those who show mercy!"

Al-Mu’minun: 112-118

Happy birthday to my father, who turns 47 today. May Allah bless you always. I love you very much.

Good grief

Last night snow revisited- unforeseen by, well, me at least. I never checked the weather forecast anyway. Spring was already manifest for the past 2-3 weeks, so to suddenly see pearly white patches on the ground this morning, was sweet. Of course, the sun melted all of them over the course of the day, and a ditch of water had me all over the edge of my trousers, but three cheers for three-degree’s worth of winter nostalgia. =D

So what’s new after one month of absence from writing? To sum it up in one sentence (‘cos I really need to get on with the picture-editing from my UK trip)- my sister and I received a fantastic parcel from home, I launched a ‘bring bentou’ campaign in the process to become, er, frugal, which proved to be rather successful, we operated on a cat, I finally got hold of a handphone (a friend lent me his old one) so people elsewhere on planet earth can communicate with me, my first attempt at making kek batik failed miserably (and after Flutterby said, “Don’t worry, nobody fails at making kek batik” too. Sob.), had a haircut, my 2nd attempt at competitive scrabble (3rd, if you count the one during matriculation) failed again (I’m such a pretender, I don’t even play scrabble), went to watch an orchestra (Mozart & Rossini), celebrated Women’s day in pink (haha), rekindled my passion for knitting (now the flame’s diminished again), and Russia elected their new president (‘Medved’ from Medvedev means ‘bear’, by the way).

From home, I learned about Malaysia’s revolutionary election, my 14-year-old brother’s triumph in state-level photography competition (do visit his flickr, he shoots brilliant pics with his point-and-shoot camera), the birth of new offspring (the cat’s, mind), and the latest pet to roam home sweet home- a tarantula. Way to go, guys!

There. As Charlie Brown would say, “Good grief”.

The Naivety That's Me

Today, reality has faded away and fierce delusion is filling the void. The world can’t get more paradoxical than it already is, and I, even I, have begun to question the path I’m treading, the round earth I’m gravitating desperately so to. Yes, I am aware of the grey patches underlying every predicament there is, yet I can’t ignore the absolute truth that governs every existence, the black and white keeping the nature in balance. I see grey, but I see it only natural to make everything as white as they can possibly be.

When something so misguided is so blatantly served before my eyes, I’m often torn between going all out to set things straight, or just let it be because there’s no point in changing things already spoilt rotten. People toying with my faith, for example. I will by no means fall for their ‘rational’ reasoning and arguments, but should I persist in explaining the wisdoms of my belief, or stop engaging in a presumably fruitless discussion? On one hand, what’s the point in a debate when you already know the results, right? On the other hand, I fear of being a hypocrite- pretending to be all devoted when I do nothing to defend my faith being ridiculed.

Recent discoveries made my stomach crawl at how naive I actually am in facing the many facets of the world. Prejudices abound, people fearing things they don’t even understand, and it’s only deemed politically correct for people to show respect to my religion. I knew about all these already, but the extent of it almost blew me away. I now really do feel like a tiny pea in a giant bowl of… pea soup. So insignificant.

Deep inside though, I’m trying, and hoping to be strong enough to rise against the tides someday. I have one thing which I can hold tight to my chest: my writing. My humble way of conveying thoughts- I wish to make something good out of it, something that will at the very least compel people to think. And now it appears as if I’ve almost forgotten about it. Amidst this so-called busy life of a medical student, ignorance has crept in.

A lot of things happened, but as of this moment, the world is still spinning. So no more excuses to myself, I hope! Nothing quite like writing to disentangle the knots in my head (except perhaps a cup of excellent tea); here’s wishing for better days to every writer out there (that’s about everyone, I guess;)).

Daripada Ali bin Abi Thalib r.a., "Bahawasanya kami sedang duduk bersama Rasulullah saw. di dalam masjid. Tiba-tiba datang Mus'ab bin Umair r.a. dan tiada di atas badannya kecuali hanya sehelai selendang yang bertampung dengan kulit. Tatkala Rasulullah saw.melihat kepadanya Baginda menangis dan menitiskan air mata kerana mengenangkan kemewahan Mus'ab ketika berada di Mekkah dahulu (kerana sangat dimanjakan oleh ibunya) dan kerana memandang nasib Mus'ab sekarang (ketika berada di Madinah sebagai seorang Muhajirin yang terpaksa meninggalkan segala harta benda dan kekayaan diMekkah). Kemudian Nabi Muhammad saw. bersabda, "Bagaimanakah keadaan kamu pada suatu saat nanti, pergi di waktu pagi dengan satu pakaian, dan pergi di waktu petang dengan pakaian yang lain pula. Dan bila diangkatkan satu hidangan diletakan pula satu hidangan yang lain. Dan kamu menutupi (menghias) rumah kamu sepertimana kamu memasang kelambu Ka'bah?". Maka jawab sahabat, "Wahai Rasulullah, tentunya di waktu itu kami lebih baik daripada di hari ini. Kami akan menberikan penumpuan kepada masalah ibadat sahaja dan tidak usah mencari rezeki". Lalu Nabi saw. bersabda, "Tidak! Keadaan kamu di hari ini adalah lebih baik daripada keadaan kamu di hari itu".

H.R. Tarmizi

A sorry post

Little can soothe these ruffled feathers at the moment; it’s like one of those bad hair days- stuff that won’t literally curse you to eternal doom but enough to make you feel like shaving your head off and start fresh. (Ahem). I’ve been in quite a scuffle with my time management lately, wanting to do this and that, but end up watching a super lousy film in between wasting away several empty DVDs (long story) and dealing with a suspected virus-infested laptop (scans came out clean- but then why is it painstakingly slow and lagging here and there? After I’ve deleted a lot of unused programs too). Starting of the new semester had me reeling with mixed emotions- of relieved farewell to a dreary subject, excitement on a new one, and pure repulsion at the timetable which had us have most of the lectures in the afternoon, in between two classes. It won’t rob me off my naptime; however, I’d prefer to be spared the guilt.

Back to my bulldozed state of mind, even now I can’t help but write junk, teetering away from my original intended piece of writing, which should be, of course, about my recent travel to UK. I will write about it, the soonest I can get after restoring some gravity back to my flailing, sorry self (and closet).

It is still winter in Russia.

ps: Happy 46th birthday to my mother (18th February)! Hope you'd had a wonderful day, one filled with joy and blessings from Allah. And happy belated birthday to my sister Aliah, who turned 17 on 14th February. I love you both.

One down, two more to go! I’m about to be thrown into the super-zigzag world of Philosophy (my next paper), so I better write something sane here now as proof of my existence. Hehe. (ayat pun dah mengarut dah).

When I started to write in my own blog in April 2004, I didn’t really expect it to last until now. There were the issues of venturing into my personal thoughts, meeting new people, honing my rusty writing skills, fueling creative drive- all of which made me think for quite a long time before starting to blog, almost as long as the time spent to pick up the colour for my very first template ;p Sometimes I may look carefree, but I’m actually at a constant alarm of what people may think of me. So when a few people left comments in my first few entries, I was on cloud nine for a good while. These people encouraged me to keep writing, and so I did.

Some of them seem to have not written in their respective blogs for a while, so to afie, ayumi, crimsonskye, wiTcHh4Z3L, F3154L, inositol- I’m giving you guys my vote of confidence to update your blog! =D And to pycnogenol and hiyoshi too- thank you for the support all this while, if none of you guys read my blog and left positive comments, I would not have been stuck with this blogging business and cause my mum, dad, uncles and aunts to become curious and eventually jump on the bandwagon as well :) Thank you.


Pose berasa manja. 31st December 2005.


Merpati dua sejoli (?) 27th April 2006.


Merajuk dah kawan tu... 27th April 2006.

Exam mode

Happy New Year 1429 to all Muslims out there. =D

I’m sitting for my finals, starting this Monday. Ain’t winter exams the greatest… haha. Not. I have many other things to contend with- the weather, for example. And my acne. Hehe. And then there’s this little matter of me not being that keen on all the coming exam subjects for different reasons. But I’m trying to cope, so yet again, please, Mak and Abah, no lecturing here.;p Another point worth mentioning- my mind keeps dallying around the thought of my upcoming trip to the UK- not the trip per se, but the puzzling donkeywork prior. We have to return all library books, get some signatures here and there, blabla, more signatures, before we can finally collect our visa. I forget about the details of the procedure every time, but I do remember that it curiously resembles a treasure hunt, with all the scattered checkpoints. So good luck to me this time; I’m lucky to have two days after my final paper before leaving.

About the trip: my sister and I are visiting our icky li’l bro, who is currently studying in Bristol, for 10 days. Hopefully we can also meet up with Aunty Farah, our father’s cousin, who is doing her masters in Cranfield. Anyone else in the UK who wishes to extend their courtesy to us travellers, I thank you in advance.:)

ps: with regards to exams, I'm posting some pics that we managed to take with some of our lecturers last week of the semester i.e. two weeks ago. ;)


Assoc. Prof. Alexei Vladimirovich Smirnov, our Pathological Anatomy lecturer cum favourite lecturer this sem (great teaching, great sense of humour)


Diana Vladimirovna, our Surgery lecturer. I thought female surgeons might be a li'l bit skema (as opposed to male surgeons who mostly have this couldn't-care-less attitude), but well, I guess she's still one of 'em! Haha.


Valentina Andreyevna, our Russian lecturer. Very kay-poh, but lovable.

Twenty-two sounds nice

Dearest Faezar, happy birthday! Kullu ‘aamin wa anti bikhair, inshaallah…

I knew Faezar at the same time I got to know Azleen. Azleen was the class monitor, she was the assistant. She lived at the end of my road back then, though we didn’t really become friends till I transferred to their class. The earliest sort of acquaintance I remember between us took place one day not long after I entered my new school- I was cycling whilst holding an ice lolly, when it suddenly slipped from my hand and fell onto the road. As I was picking it up, I noticed someone was looking, and saw Faezar sitting by the gate of her house. We exchanged smiles but I had no idea who she was at the time. Hehe. That was the beginning of our friendship, I guess. :)

Throughout the years, she’s been a fantastic friend, and we had a very colourful relationship, perhaps slightly too colourful at times. Hehe. Indeed there were rough patches along the way, but at the end of the day, she is still one of the most wonderful persons I’ve ever met and befriended. You can’t find a better listener, and a friend more loyal than her. Every time I returned home during the hols., she would make time so we could meet- even if she had classes on Saturday, i.e. spending on a less-than-a-day-trip back home. It may not mean a lot to some people, but it does to me.

One thing I truly admire about her is her strong conviction in her actions. And if she had a change of mind, she really meant it. When she first told me that she was switching her course from Medicine to Law, I was very surprised, as was everybody else. Many thought she’d made a mistake, but never once I heard her being in doubt or regretting her decision (but maybe if she hid it from me, I don’t know. Hehe.). Now, seeing her all well and excelling in her studies, I know she made the right choice… And even if she’s to change her mind in the future, she’ll do great nonetheless. Because that's just the kind of person she is. =D

Hope this makes your day. ;)


Dahulu


Sekarang

Winter goodness

Note: the following accounts were separately written according to the time frame.

Three weeks ago.

Forlorn grey cloaked the sky for the past week; no more rays of evanescent warmth for you sun-lovers. Haha. I’m quite the sadist. Although now I’m actually the one having a jolly hard time contending with the frosty wind that keeps finding their shrewd way into our already-sealed windows. So by right I should be shuddering at this turn of weather and pray hard for spring to come to light. But I’m not, because… well. I love winter. Even if I did fall last week on the icy slope and got a brilliant green bruise on my thigh, or that my fingers were this close to getting frostbite (hyperbole) from dusting snow crumbs off my bag (inside out, too) due to evil works of a classmate (I got him back big time; don’t ever mess with the snow queen. Hoho). Because, because, because… the sight of pure white grounds beneath your feet with sparkling diamonds of frozen canopy above your head on the way to class is simply worth it. It’s like something out of Narnia, as someone puts it; enough to make anyone’s heart spouting poetry (a bad example in my case as you can see).

A fortnight ago.

When snow melts, there goes all the fun. In fact, that’s when trouble beckons. Picture streams, not just puddles, of mud that bar you from crossing the road to get to your hostel, and so you keep walking upward to find a better way out. The trouble is, there is no better way out, and you keep swaggering further and further from your destination until you’ve had it and decide to cross anyway, even though it means drenching the kain of your baju kurung, and yes, it is eid morning. Silver lining? It snows afterwards! And thank God for black baju kurungs =p

Last week.

Too slippery for words. Numerous wobbly moments. (Fall-o-meter: 0. Yay!).

Last night.

Temperature: 20-something degrees below zero. expected to reach 30 during the coming weekend.

Remember Balrog from the mines of Moria in The Lord of The Rings? Remember the dum-dum sounds the Fellowship heard before that fiery ancient demon appeared (did those come from him or the Orcs before that, btw? Argh, must have a rerun again sometime soon.)? Well, the sounds banging against the window of our room at this moment eerily resemble the aforesaid ones. Outside, you can even see violent swirls of wind as they fuse with traces of snowflakes (I saw but a glimpse from the kitchen window, a friend related the more violent ones). Luckily it’s a one-week New Year holiday now, so I don’t have to experience this vicious side of Mother Nature firsthand. But then, being cooped up in the hostel isn’t such a cozy idea either, since our condition here is nowhere near the word cozy, or even acceptable. We’re living in a giant freezer. Imagine me wearing long johns, two woolen jumpers, an over-sized sweater, two pairs of socks, and shivering after half an hour typing on the laptop…(?!!) And they forbid us to buy our own heater because we may whack the circuit dry, which is the case every night because almost everybody secretly owns a heater anyway (not me, though. I’m an Eskimo wannabe). And can anyone blame these people after seeing those feeble, metal thingies they suspiciously call heaters? It’s come to a point where I have to sleep either with my headphones on or by cocooning my entire body inside the blanket because my ears can’t stand the cold. Sad, sad, sad. I already lodged a complaint to our rep so, well, I guess we can only wait. And wait we will, do count on it.




Both pics: Frost on glass. 9th February 2006.


Motifs on the wall of the central market. 8th April 2006.


Impressive facade of a bank, somewhere nearby the academy. 17th July 2006.


Messing around with fallen leaves. 15th November 2005.