It would be customary for me to nose-dive towards near-insanity around this time of year, but, as astronomical as the tasks lain before me appear to be, I'm inexplicably calm. And people can't use that last-minute-paddler argument with me because this is last minute- Neurology is but three days away (two for control freaks) and I still have about... four gazillion questions to go.
So I browsed through my past summer exam entries to contemplate retrospectively on how I was doing each time- from the world cup-tinged and missing-home kind of entries in 2006, to broody in 2007, to reflective, Euro-coated last year. All shared one thing in common- optimism, the weapon that has gotten me through many sticky situations in life thus far. Not that you can take on the world by optimism alone, but by being optimistic you gain the confidence to fight for success, and to be positive in defeat. It's a win-win situation.
All my life I have been clouded by the thought that more often than not I haven't been giving my absolute best in my endeavours. It may be true in some occasions, but in hindsight, I do strive my best with all these weaknesses I possess that get in the way from following through. I know it sounds disoriented, and more like an excuse, but anyway, this beautiful hadith comforts me whenever I think I'm not doing my best (or can never be the best) to be of any regard to anyone:-
Narrated Abdullah bin Mas'ud r.a. : "A man came to Allah's messenger (S.A.W.) and said, 'O Messenger of Allah! What do you say about a man who loves some people but cannot catch up with their good deeds?' Rasulullah S.A.W. said, 'Everyone will be with those whom he loves.'"
(Bukhari)
And in relation to this hadith, Anas r.a. said,
“There was nothing which made us (sahabas) happier in this world than to hear this”
(Muslim)
May Allah make us from those who are resurrected with the successful ones on the day of reckoning.
Now back to books...
ps: Federer won! ;)
Showing posts with label exam blues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exam blues. Show all posts
Monday, June 08, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
"Cataract"
I’m in the middle of my exams and my mind is a bedlam but I’m determined to write today no matter what. I know by the end of this I’ll be screaming with self-condemnation and whatnots, but for now, let me be. This won’t be a long essay outlining some key guidelines to world peace, nor will it be an angsty commentary on why no football player is worth a hundred million pounds when people in Gaza are starving and that Kaka is hundred million times better off in Milan anyway (Giorgio Armani agrees with me too).
I just want to make a few statements to people who matter to me- specifically those whom I don’t contact often. OK, that would make ALL the people that matter. To my defence, firstly, my archaic hand phone has officially been retired.
The fall from grace was gradual- the screen initially went blank, though I could still receive calls and send messages (with a blank screen, mind. Kinda like a twisted version of Braille). The state then progressed to receiving calls but not hearing the caller’s voice when picked up (but he/she could still hear me). So the phone could still be useful if, say, hypothetically, I was kidnapped and managed to call my sister and informed her of the situation so that she could get help, but would be totally ineffective if the situation was reversed. By then, I already sensed the downhill direction of this device I bought a little over two years ago after ‘donating’ my previous faithful one to the hospital where I had my practical classes.
And as of today, I can’t even use it as an alarm anymore- gotta be content with that shrieking monotonous sound of my table clock. No more good music waking you up. But that’s the least of my concerns- bottom line is, I can’t contact any of you guys. For some of you who use the internet as much as I do, it’s not that big of a problem, but I know some of you who don’t.
To get to the point after that dismal, rather unnecessary ode to my hand phone, I miss a lot of people back home. Especially after talking to my parents the day before yesterday- I sorely miss home. I want to go home. And I’m not talking about the food one bit this time. Really.
Perhaps it’s part of the exam syndrome. Or the after-effect of “Hari bersama pejabat dekan”. Anyhow, I’m so not in the mood to study now (aah, finally I let that out loud and clear!). I think I’ll make myself a cup of tea.
ps: Great photos by my brother Muhammad taken during Palestine solidarity rallies in Cardiff and Bristol. Way to go, badut!
This pic was published in Reuters's site. (Hope you won't mind me putting it up here. My site carries more weight than theirs. Hahaha.) ;)
I just want to make a few statements to people who matter to me- specifically those whom I don’t contact often. OK, that would make ALL the people that matter. To my defence, firstly, my archaic hand phone has officially been retired.
The fall from grace was gradual- the screen initially went blank, though I could still receive calls and send messages (with a blank screen, mind. Kinda like a twisted version of Braille). The state then progressed to receiving calls but not hearing the caller’s voice when picked up (but he/she could still hear me). So the phone could still be useful if, say, hypothetically, I was kidnapped and managed to call my sister and informed her of the situation so that she could get help, but would be totally ineffective if the situation was reversed. By then, I already sensed the downhill direction of this device I bought a little over two years ago after ‘donating’ my previous faithful one to the hospital where I had my practical classes.
And as of today, I can’t even use it as an alarm anymore- gotta be content with that shrieking monotonous sound of my table clock. No more good music waking you up. But that’s the least of my concerns- bottom line is, I can’t contact any of you guys. For some of you who use the internet as much as I do, it’s not that big of a problem, but I know some of you who don’t.
To get to the point after that dismal, rather unnecessary ode to my hand phone, I miss a lot of people back home. Especially after talking to my parents the day before yesterday- I sorely miss home. I want to go home. And I’m not talking about the food one bit this time. Really.
Perhaps it’s part of the exam syndrome. Or the after-effect of “Hari bersama pejabat dekan”. Anyhow, I’m so not in the mood to study now (aah, finally I let that out loud and clear!). I think I’ll make myself a cup of tea.
ps: Great photos by my brother Muhammad taken during Palestine solidarity rallies in Cardiff and Bristol. Way to go, badut!
This pic was published in Reuters's site. (Hope you won't mind me putting it up here. My site carries more weight than theirs. Hahaha.) ;)
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Eurexam 2008
Final exams are five days away. So is Euro 2008. We’re having a conflict of interests here, see... the Fred Flintstone in me is racing wildly to Austria-Switzerland screaming "Yabba dabba do!" whilst the Homer Simpson in me is staring at those gooey pathological features of a cell with a "D'oh!" thrown in every now and then. We know who’ll win in the end (Homer’s pretty scary when he’s at it). My point is, Russia’s in the game so presumably I’ll be hearing extra mega-loud cheering from the building across (or wherever) this time, just like when they won the ice hockey world championship 2 weeks ago. It’s about time I put my earplugs to use.
In earnest, I have more than just doubts toward myself regarding the finals this time around. The year has been a farrago of doubts, confusion, surprises, fear, and discoveries, and now that it’s coming to a close, I’m not sure whether I am a better person for it. I hope so, but it’s been like a gain some, lose some thing for me all year round. I got a taste of adulthood when I came here, given carte blanche to orchestrate my own symphony of life, but often I long for my carefree days as a child. And final exams are an illustration of the few things you undergo throughout your entire life which become subject to evolution, themselves.
When you were little, you wanted to score 100% in all subjects. When you got older and the stuff you learned became curiously trickier, you lowered the bar a little- straight As were the goal. When you came here, you still wanted A (or the equivalent of it, which was 5), but counting in the peculiarity of the system, a B wouldn’t be so bad. Even a C didn’t necessarily mean you were a bad student, considering the circumstances you might have been unluckily pitched in. I don’t blame the system- every system has a flaw- but it does provide you with a comfy cushion for your impending frustrations. And that's exactly what I fear of- the comfort.
In the end, it’s up to each and everyone’s own efforts to rise above the system and fly solo. It does not matter much, in my opinion, whether you study locally or abroad. A good student is a good student, no matter where they are. And I want to be that student.
So I need to get off the laptop now. Mak and Abah, please pray for my success. Can’t wait to get home.
"It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small." –Neil Armstrong
In earnest, I have more than just doubts toward myself regarding the finals this time around. The year has been a farrago of doubts, confusion, surprises, fear, and discoveries, and now that it’s coming to a close, I’m not sure whether I am a better person for it. I hope so, but it’s been like a gain some, lose some thing for me all year round. I got a taste of adulthood when I came here, given carte blanche to orchestrate my own symphony of life, but often I long for my carefree days as a child. And final exams are an illustration of the few things you undergo throughout your entire life which become subject to evolution, themselves.
When you were little, you wanted to score 100% in all subjects. When you got older and the stuff you learned became curiously trickier, you lowered the bar a little- straight As were the goal. When you came here, you still wanted A (or the equivalent of it, which was 5), but counting in the peculiarity of the system, a B wouldn’t be so bad. Even a C didn’t necessarily mean you were a bad student, considering the circumstances you might have been unluckily pitched in. I don’t blame the system- every system has a flaw- but it does provide you with a comfy cushion for your impending frustrations. And that's exactly what I fear of- the comfort.
In the end, it’s up to each and everyone’s own efforts to rise above the system and fly solo. It does not matter much, in my opinion, whether you study locally or abroad. A good student is a good student, no matter where they are. And I want to be that student.
So I need to get off the laptop now. Mak and Abah, please pray for my success. Can’t wait to get home.
"It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small." –Neil Armstrong
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
One down, two more to go! I’m about to be thrown into the super-zigzag world of Philosophy (my next paper), so I better write something sane here now as proof of my existence. Hehe. (ayat pun dah mengarut dah).
When I started to write in my own blog in April 2004, I didn’t really expect it to last until now. There were the issues of venturing into my personal thoughts, meeting new people, honing my rusty writing skills, fueling creative drive- all of which made me think for quite a long time before starting to blog, almost as long as the time spent to pick up the colour for my very first template ;p Sometimes I may look carefree, but I’m actually at a constant alarm of what people may think of me. So when a few people left comments in my first few entries, I was on cloud nine for a good while. These people encouraged me to keep writing, and so I did.
Some of them seem to have not written in their respective blogs for a while, so to afie, ayumi, crimsonskye, wiTcHh4Z3L, F3154L, inositol- I’m giving you guys my vote of confidence to update your blog! =D And to pycnogenol and hiyoshi too- thank you for the support all this while, if none of you guys read my blog and left positive comments, I would not have been stuck with this blogging business and cause my mum, dad, uncles and aunts to become curious and eventually jump on the bandwagon as well :) Thank you.
Pose berasa manja. 31st December 2005.
Merpati dua sejoli (?) 27th April 2006.
Merajuk dah kawan tu... 27th April 2006.
When I started to write in my own blog in April 2004, I didn’t really expect it to last until now. There were the issues of venturing into my personal thoughts, meeting new people, honing my rusty writing skills, fueling creative drive- all of which made me think for quite a long time before starting to blog, almost as long as the time spent to pick up the colour for my very first template ;p Sometimes I may look carefree, but I’m actually at a constant alarm of what people may think of me. So when a few people left comments in my first few entries, I was on cloud nine for a good while. These people encouraged me to keep writing, and so I did.
Some of them seem to have not written in their respective blogs for a while, so to afie, ayumi, crimsonskye, wiTcHh4Z3L, F3154L, inositol- I’m giving you guys my vote of confidence to update your blog! =D And to pycnogenol and hiyoshi too- thank you for the support all this while, if none of you guys read my blog and left positive comments, I would not have been stuck with this blogging business and cause my mum, dad, uncles and aunts to become curious and eventually jump on the bandwagon as well :) Thank you.
Pose berasa manja. 31st December 2005.
Merpati dua sejoli (?) 27th April 2006.
Merajuk dah kawan tu... 27th April 2006.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Exam mode
Happy New Year 1429 to all Muslims out there. =D
I’m sitting for my finals, starting this Monday. Ain’t winter exams the greatest… haha. Not. I have many other things to contend with- the weather, for example. And my acne. Hehe. And then there’s this little matter of me not being that keen on all the coming exam subjects for different reasons. But I’m trying to cope, so yet again, please, Mak and Abah, no lecturing here.;p Another point worth mentioning- my mind keeps dallying around the thought of my upcoming trip to the UK- not the trip per se, but the puzzling donkeywork prior. We have to return all library books, get some signatures here and there, blabla, more signatures, before we can finally collect our visa. I forget about the details of the procedure every time, but I do remember that it curiously resembles a treasure hunt, with all the scattered checkpoints. So good luck to me this time; I’m lucky to have two days after my final paper before leaving.
About the trip: my sister and I are visiting our icky li’l bro, who is currently studying in Bristol, for 10 days. Hopefully we can also meet up with Aunty Farah, our father’s cousin, who is doing her masters in Cranfield. Anyone else in the UK who wishes to extend their courtesy to us travellers, I thank you in advance.:)
ps: with regards to exams, I'm posting some pics that we managed to take with some of our lecturers last week of the semester i.e. two weeks ago. ;)
Assoc. Prof. Alexei Vladimirovich Smirnov, our Pathological Anatomy lecturer cum favourite lecturer this sem (great teaching, great sense of humour)
Diana Vladimirovna, our Surgery lecturer. I thought female surgeons might be a li'l bit skema (as opposed to male surgeons who mostly have this couldn't-care-less attitude), but well, I guess she's still one of 'em! Haha.
Valentina Andreyevna, our Russian lecturer. Very kay-poh, but lovable.
I’m sitting for my finals, starting this Monday. Ain’t winter exams the greatest… haha. Not. I have many other things to contend with- the weather, for example. And my acne. Hehe. And then there’s this little matter of me not being that keen on all the coming exam subjects for different reasons. But I’m trying to cope, so yet again, please, Mak and Abah, no lecturing here.;p Another point worth mentioning- my mind keeps dallying around the thought of my upcoming trip to the UK- not the trip per se, but the puzzling donkeywork prior. We have to return all library books, get some signatures here and there, blabla, more signatures, before we can finally collect our visa. I forget about the details of the procedure every time, but I do remember that it curiously resembles a treasure hunt, with all the scattered checkpoints. So good luck to me this time; I’m lucky to have two days after my final paper before leaving.
About the trip: my sister and I are visiting our icky li’l bro, who is currently studying in Bristol, for 10 days. Hopefully we can also meet up with Aunty Farah, our father’s cousin, who is doing her masters in Cranfield. Anyone else in the UK who wishes to extend their courtesy to us travellers, I thank you in advance.:)
ps: with regards to exams, I'm posting some pics that we managed to take with some of our lecturers last week of the semester i.e. two weeks ago. ;)
Assoc. Prof. Alexei Vladimirovich Smirnov, our Pathological Anatomy lecturer cum favourite lecturer this sem (great teaching, great sense of humour)
Diana Vladimirovna, our Surgery lecturer. I thought female surgeons might be a li'l bit skema (as opposed to male surgeons who mostly have this couldn't-care-less attitude), but well, I guess she's still one of 'em! Haha.
Valentina Andreyevna, our Russian lecturer. Very kay-poh, but lovable.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Exam Schmexam
"It’s just a state of mind."
That’s my roomie’s catchy phrase to nix my never-ending melodramatic pool of thoughts. With final paper three days away, trip to Hong Kong seven days away, and touching foot on home soil eleven days away, can anyone possibly blame my spazzed-out sapience? I really am away with the mixer lately, my head spouting stuff of bubblegum pop songs and blah poetry, whilst leaving tiny room for some medical knowledge in between.
Ah. The exam. Gotta split. Praying for a good outcome this Thursday, in all fairness. Deo volente.
That’s my roomie’s catchy phrase to nix my never-ending melodramatic pool of thoughts. With final paper three days away, trip to Hong Kong seven days away, and touching foot on home soil eleven days away, can anyone possibly blame my spazzed-out sapience? I really am away with the mixer lately, my head spouting stuff of bubblegum pop songs and blah poetry, whilst leaving tiny room for some medical knowledge in between.
Ah. The exam. Gotta split. Praying for a good outcome this Thursday, in all fairness. Deo volente.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
The sun sets at nine
The exam epidemic's broken out in this part of the world, and people suffer from miscellanous symptoms that don't quite match up. Try this for an example. Yours truly, in between devouring strawberries+cream and daydreaming about the homecoming trip, is not doing too good. Nevertheless, trying hard to be optimistic. haa.
I’m pacing; small steps. I’m running, I’m raring to go. I stumble; I fall. I pause, reflecting. I rise. I’m catching up. I’m anxious, common sense quashed. I’m dashing to the end; I can see the light. I may not win. But I will be there. At the finish line.
About to break down, more like. Haha. This is where I stop, to leave room for some serious reflecting. And studying.
Oh yeah, besides mangoes being exotic and costing a small fortune, it really threw everything into perspective after hearing my roomie’s story regarding her therapy practical teacher, a gastroenterologist. The class were talking about weird stuff that people in different places ate, coming across examples like snakes, rats, etc. Then the teacher spoke about a television program he saw, showcasing a weird ‘cuisine’ people made. What did these people do, you ask? They fried bananas.
It took a while to have me stop laughing so hard my stomach hurt.
I’m pacing; small steps. I’m running, I’m raring to go. I stumble; I fall. I pause, reflecting. I rise. I’m catching up. I’m anxious, common sense quashed. I’m dashing to the end; I can see the light. I may not win. But I will be there. At the finish line.
About to break down, more like. Haha. This is where I stop, to leave room for some serious reflecting. And studying.
Oh yeah, besides mangoes being exotic and costing a small fortune, it really threw everything into perspective after hearing my roomie’s story regarding her therapy practical teacher, a gastroenterologist. The class were talking about weird stuff that people in different places ate, coming across examples like snakes, rats, etc. Then the teacher spoke about a television program he saw, showcasing a weird ‘cuisine’ people made. What did these people do, you ask? They fried bananas.
It took a while to have me stop laughing so hard my stomach hurt.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Exam blues reloaded
"I'm having a mid-life crisis."
"But you're only 20!"
"Who knows how long I will live my life? If, for example, my life-span is 40 years, then I should be having my mid-life crisis at about now, shouldn't I?"
Pointless conversations when the weight of the exam drawing nigh seems too much to bear. Frodo, lend us some pointers!
...
Missing home.
"But you're only 20!"
"Who knows how long I will live my life? If, for example, my life-span is 40 years, then I should be having my mid-life crisis at about now, shouldn't I?"
Pointless conversations when the weight of the exam drawing nigh seems too much to bear. Frodo, lend us some pointers!
...
Missing home.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Numbers and facts
10 more days before returning home.
9 more days before the United States’ Independence Day (not relevant, I know).
8 more questions to be done by today.
7 more questions of my ‘favourite’ topic (Darn! That many??).
6 more hours before Portugal-Holland match (I won’t be watching, of course ;p).
5 more days before this torture ends.
4 more games before Brazil wins the World Cup.
3 more days before my traditional Panic Day.
2 more Rubles before my credit expires.
1 more paper to go!
9 more days before the United States’ Independence Day (not relevant, I know).
8 more questions to be done by today.
7 more questions of my ‘favourite’ topic (Darn! That many??).
6 more hours before Portugal-Holland match (I won’t be watching, of course ;p).
5 more days before this torture ends.
4 more games before Brazil wins the World Cup.
3 more days before my traditional Panic Day.
2 more Rubles before my credit expires.
1 more paper to go!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Bored me
I really really want to go home. No, it’s not simply the food anymore. It’s not even the World Cup.
… Ok, it is the World Cup. But it’s not just the World Cup. I miss my family and friends too. Baaadly.
Things that I miss most about home (in no particular order)
1. My family and friends
2. Malaysian food (an entry has been dedicated to this but I will spare some space for more ;p)
3. Free (well, almost… but free anyway cos my dad foots the bill. Hehe) internet
4. Television
5. Walking at the beach near my house
6. Sending my brother and sister to school (and picking them up)
7. Playing computer games (Nak go against my dad in C&C: General again- even though I lost every time)
8. Playing with our super-duper lovely cats
9. Breakfast outings around town =)
10. ‘Mapley’ outings around town =D
11. Kinokuniya
12. Cycling
13. Fighting with my brother
14. Trapped in the traffic jam whilst behind the wheels
15. Buah-buahan tempatan (Manggis, mangga, langsat… bliss defined! Yum!)
16. Curled up in bed reading a good book
17. Taman Gelora
18. Pasar malam (Yeah, I seldom went before, but now I’m missing it. Argh!)
19. Kenduri-kendara at Aki’s place (Great food! Cute cousins!)
20. My dad’s old car ;)
And I’m tired of poring my head into these textbooks. God please give me strength...
… Ok, it is the World Cup. But it’s not just the World Cup. I miss my family and friends too. Baaadly.
Things that I miss most about home (in no particular order)
1. My family and friends
2. Malaysian food (an entry has been dedicated to this but I will spare some space for more ;p)
3. Free (well, almost… but free anyway cos my dad foots the bill. Hehe) internet
4. Television
5. Walking at the beach near my house
6. Sending my brother and sister to school (and picking them up)
7. Playing computer games (Nak go against my dad in C&C: General again- even though I lost every time)
8. Playing with our super-duper lovely cats
9. Breakfast outings around town =)
10. ‘Mapley’ outings around town =D
11. Kinokuniya
12. Cycling
13. Fighting with my brother
14. Trapped in the traffic jam whilst behind the wheels
15. Buah-buahan tempatan (Manggis, mangga, langsat… bliss defined! Yum!)
16. Curled up in bed reading a good book
17. Taman Gelora
18. Pasar malam (Yeah, I seldom went before, but now I’m missing it. Argh!)
19. Kenduri-kendara at Aki’s place (Great food! Cute cousins!)
20. My dad’s old car ;)
And I’m tired of poring my head into these textbooks. God please give me strength...
Friday, June 09, 2006
I can’t watch the World Cup because…
1) I don’t have a television.
2) My friends don’t have televisions too.
3) Even if I do have one, I still have a big final exam stretching throughout the better half of this month.
4) And I couldn’t ask my family to record the whole show, as our vcr has broken down some centuries ago and a recordable dvd player would cost a small fortune. And apparently vcr is another machine of the past. Hehe.
Have fun everyone, and spare a thought or two for me when you’re busy cheering for Brazil and Germany and Italy or screaming boos for France (Hehe French fans are going to kill me), and aah… don’t forget Ukraine’s in this time (Soviet spirit. LOL)!
Probably our last meal before 'going on strike' =p
Four Malaysians lost in translation =)
2) My friends don’t have televisions too.
3) Even if I do have one, I still have a big final exam stretching throughout the better half of this month.
4) And I couldn’t ask my family to record the whole show, as our vcr has broken down some centuries ago and a recordable dvd player would cost a small fortune. And apparently vcr is another machine of the past. Hehe.
Have fun everyone, and spare a thought or two for me when you’re busy cheering for Brazil and Germany and Italy or screaming boos for France (Hehe French fans are going to kill me), and aah… don’t forget Ukraine’s in this time (Soviet spirit. LOL)!
Probably our last meal before 'going on strike' =p
Four Malaysians lost in translation =)
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