26

"Selamat menginsafi diri bahawa dgn bertambah satu nombor lagi usia dalam diari hidup ini, maka rasmilah juga yg baki umur makin berkurang dan takdir ajal makin menjelang... Eid milad saeid, as'adallahu hayatakum fiddarain"

The above text from my Arabic language teacher (he speaks like, six languages, by the way) near midnight on the eve of my birthday last Friday made me bawl for a good few minutes under my pillow. Twenty six years have rapidly passed, and I'm still wondering about what good I have done for my life, my religion and future afterlife. Very little, if any. And I'm not sure what to make of the words many people have thrown upon me for the past fortnight or so- amazing, inspiring, awesome... they're almost like heavy rocks being stuffed into my chest, because I am not. Any of those. I'm happy that my friends benefited from my experience, but I hope not to be seen other than as an average Muslim struggling to be better at best. Some might think I'm being modest, but I honestly am not. ;) At times like these the prayer of Abu Bakr As-Siddiq r.a. (or in some narrations Ali r.a.) will echo in my mind:

"O Allāh, make me better than what they think of me, and forgive me for what they do not know about me, and do not take me to account for what they say about me."

Often we look up to certain people, thinking they're so great and all perfect, when in fact it is due to the mercy of Allah that He has concealed their flaws from our eyes. And some of us take for granted that very blessing- that when people think you're such a nice and sweet person, you aren't just all that, you have a bunch of bad habits and weaknesses having been veiled in your favour by His grace.

In the light of turning a year older, I hope to improve my relationships with my Creator, other people, the nature, and with myself; to gradually eliminate all my bad habits; to survive housemanship with grace and dignity (and not lose my head in the process!), and to continue spreading da'wah in every way I know and am capable of. 

Please make du'a for me too. :)

Birthday cake bought by my dearest grandmother.:D

 

ps: I never thought I'd still receive gifts from my family members, but surprisingly I did! Thank you to my mother for the blouse, my father for the colour-illustrated sirah book of the prophet s.a.w., my grandparents and aunt for the novel and ang pow, my younger sister for doing my laundry duty for the day (hehe!), and my (ex) roommate for the cards and shopping bag (pos ekspres no less!). And of course, all the lovely prayers and wishes throughout the day. It was especially heartwarming to receive calls and messages later that night, for I immediately knew they were from my HO friends who had just finished working their heads off the entire day and still remembered to call their little friend to show they cared. Aaah, I love my friends.

Thank you Allah. ^_^

pps: My parents, youngest brother, grandparents and aunt are in Makkah, probably performing tawaf as I write. ;D May Allah accept all their deeds and keep them safe throughout their journey. And may He grant me the opportunity to visit His two most blessed lands once again.