Time is such a marvel. For it seems like bashing my foot into the bedroom door till my toenail almost came out took place only last week, driving my grandfather all the way to Gemencheh to visit my sister a bordering distance beforehand. And I can still relish the out-of-this-world dishes at two of my absolute favourite places to have lunch- my grandfather’s place and the restaurant by the riverside, both serving very ‘kampung’ food, which is my stomach’s definition of heavenly.
The unclad truth is, I’m in Russia, eating disagreeable junks (some of which I cook, so I’m partly to blame), having just moved yet again from the testosterone-laden floor (they made excellent floor mates by the way, except for their gender. Haha. Very nice, very polite.) to a girls’ floor just down the corner four days ago. I’m coping. Uh-huh.
Talking on a more general scope, I’m 21 according to the Gregorian calendar; 22 according to the Hijrian. That in itself is a marvel. Not so because I have managed to grow up to this age, becoming an adult, but for the nagging fact that I have managed to reach this minor milestone of existence feeling as wonderfully confused and moony as I had seven years back. God-willed, I did grow up a bit but being 21 now isn’t what I originally thought it would be like.
Now that Ramadhan has breathed its light once more, it gives me a lot of space to mull over my arid ocean of thoughts. The effort for the better, and the contented feeling at the end of it that I did become better. Yet when next year comes, I feel like I’m back at the beginning of it all again, quite lost and vulnerable. And I had tried to comfort my little heckler of a conscience by deeming it as normal, something that everybody should only feel. The more I try to shake it off though, the more it bugs me. When you don’t feel contented, you don’t. That’s that.
I wish to embrace timeless progress, not merely being a seasonal labourer repeating the same arduous cycle at forever's end. Man, the battle with an-nafs really is exhausting.
However ‘seasonal’ I should feel like though, having Ramadhan is always a blessing- the greatest blessing of time and space to reform, to grow. If we should choose but one time to go all-out in our endeavours, let it be this beautiful month, where every little deed is rewarded in manifolds, and the door to al-maghfirah is never closed. Let’s all work towards a fruitful Ramadhan, inshaallah.
"And in truth We have made the Qur'an easy to remember; but is there any that remembereth?" -Al-Qamar: 17
Taking the meaning literally, my hafazan of the Quran needs a major lot of checking up and progress. I've been stagnant for a great while. *sigh*
7 comments:
"And strive in his course as ye ought to strive, with sincerity and under discipline. He has choosen you, and imposed no difficulties on you in religion." (22:78)
Selamar berpuasa and selamat menjalankan hafazan! =)
sapa masak masa berbuka?
Fi,
In spite of everything, I think you have improved a lot in various aspects. Like not stuck at your laptop, watching 24, :)). But ....still, you havent changed in THIS particular aspect....you know what!
selamat menjalani ibadah puasa...:)
first time checking in your blog since your departure. been awfully busy, hence been deficient in the creative comments department.
anyway, i wish you a wonderful ramadhan in volvograde. may you celebrate each iftar without your family with strength and hopefully decent food. instant noodle and potato chips dont count as decent food.
take care!!! :p
Thanks everyone for the wish... Abah, Fi masak ngan Fatin bulan Ramadhan ni.
I have decided that if I do not fall any lower than the previous year, I should give myself a pat on the back.
Either that, or I've reached the bottom of the well.
Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan. I've always wondered what's it like to fast in a foreign land?
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