A Goodbye Note

"... And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]."

-Ali Imran: 159

The above verse rang through my ears on my way back from work last Friday. By some reasons, I have chosen medicine as my first posting- arguably the busiest department in the hospital. After taking some time to let the fact sink in, I feel that I've made the best decision (or at least a good decision)- I hope to learn as much as I can for the next four months and come out a better person. To quote a couple of speakers at the induction course, "We don't expect you to become superheroes. We just want you to become safe and competent doctors". Also, "Welcome to the ministry of health, not ministry of hell!" haha. I'll try my best, inshaallah... let's all try our very best in whatever we do, and leave the outcome to Allah, the best of planners.

Goodbye Facebook.

Goodbye Euro 2012.

Goodbye Eid holidays. 

(I'm not complaining, I'm quite excited actually. ;D But sesiapa yang berkenaan, tolong la bagi match updates at least. hehe)

ps: Welcome to the latest additon to Pelindung Pantai safari- Lettew and Vam-Vam! :D

 Lettew

 Vam-Vam

Crossroad

Many, many years ago, I read about Prince William taking a gap year before commencing his university education and thought, cool, I want one, too! Thinking about it now, I did get my gap year after all, and although I didn't get to go across the world in some soul-searching quests, I did what my heart had longed for more than anything, and received much, much more than what I had bargained for.

Yesterday I paid my last 'official' visit as an unofficial student of the maahad tahfiz which had become my home for six months (from October to March). Without a doubt, I will miss the serene atmosphere of the musalla, the peals of laughter and lively buzz surrounding the girls' hostel, the zam-zam water (whilst it lasted) at the cafeteria, the beautiful sound of hundreds of people reciting different verses of the Quran at the same time resembling that of the bumblebees, and the radiant smiles greeting me along the corridors each day, every step of my way.

I will miss the short nostalgic aura of a school life revisited... the sound and smell of the field grass being cut, the periodic ringing of bells, the naivety and innocence of a schoolgirl, with questions like, "Is Russia located near Mexico?" (!), "At what age do you plan to get married?" (!!), and "Studied in Russia? But you ARE Malay, aren't you?" (!!!). I will miss them all. :)

I will also miss writing in this once-almost-dead blog. I hope to be able to 'steal' a post in from time to time, but even as optimistic a person as I am, I know it'll be quite a feat if I manage to keep this site updated once I start working. Hmm. I think I'll reward myself with a cheese cake for every post in the future (ehh?!). Haha.

This Monday, my task as a house officer officially begins, although I'll be going through five days of an induction course first (the kind of program where I wish I could own an invisibility cloak throughout) before getting on with my clinical duties. I pray for Allah to ease my path and make me strong, rain or shine. Let everything coming my way be a learning experience towards getting closer to You, Ya Rahman.

Nostalgia: Dinding seorang pelajar, 2010.

My Sister

Happy birthday to my sister Sarah, the one who:


1) would always cook for me during her student days (and is an amazing cook even with the most basic ingredients).
2) has been my longest ever roommate (and is currently complaining that I've turned our room into a kitchen).
3) knows me inside out (and routinely uses it against me. -.-).
4) often irks me (and I her) but I love her to bits! Hi hi. May Allah bless and guide you always, kak.

Cheese coconut sandwich pancake with cinnamon and lots of love! :D

Of Inspiration and Challenges

So I had this request in my comment box a few posts ago to write about what inspired me to memorise Al-Quran, the advice I had received, risks and challenges for putting work on hold, and the ideal tahfiz school. It's a tough one, and this task has been hovering at the back of my head for the past two weeks or so, never quite managing to find its way out. People can say, just write what you feel- write from the heart- but the truth is actually gobs more complicated than that. I used to write carelessly, but over the years it hit me that you are responsible for what you write, and that thought alone makes my stomach do a double back somersault and a full pirouette.


...


Right, done with the disclaimer. Many things inspire and have inspired me in life, but for something as momentous as Al-Quran- the divine words, the book of guidance, the light- to carve its mark upon your heart, it has got to start somewhere very early in life, and by that I mean my dear parents- my two beacons of inspiration. :) I thank them for starting to teach me Al-Quran when I was a wee child, and for sending me (and my siblings) to the best Al-Quran teacher I could imagine- Ustaz Yusuf.


I have blogged about him, but I can easily write paragraphs and paragraphs more about this good, blessed soul. He would come to our house every Sunday on his motorbike and sit down with us for about two hours- grinding us with constant hard work, our father's cane faithfully by his side. He was very strict, and we were quite terrified of his furious stare and booming voice whenever one of us got distracted (my favourite side-activity was fiddling with- or destroying, more like- the woven plastic carpet. Sorry Mak). He was also a brilliant and dedicated teacher, and was fastidious in his methods to improve our recitations. We would sometimes spend an entire lesson on just perfecting our pronunciations (makhraj) of certain letters, and I remember being at the brink of giving up many times for not being able to pronounce some letters perfectly, but he kept pushing me, pushing all of us to persevere until we really nailed it. I have never seen another teacher like that, ever- in a typical scenario the teacher would often lower the bar a little after several unsuccessful tries and eventually cave in with a grudging "bolehlah...". Ustaz Yusuf demanded the absolute best from us, and thinking back to those eight years or so, of him on his motorbike, sunshine or rain, I feel so  humbled and little.


That was the first push I had as a child. Granted, I was not always eager to attend class- I had even pretended to be sick (or exaggerated my sickness, rather) several times, hoping to get an 'MC' from my father (needless to say, most of the attempts failed miserably). But my younger life revolved around reading Al-Quran and it made me realise the importance of this book, despite not being able to appreciate the spiritual aspect of it.


Entering primary school was the next step- memorising Al-Quran was part of the syllabus (it wasn't a complete program for the entire book though). Alhamdulillah, Allah has made memorising relatively easy for me. At that time, I simply enjoyed reciting Al-Quran for its beautiful flow of words as they came out of my mouth- the poetry in the language was tangible even to a foreign tongue like mine.


Years passed, and I switched to a government school in standard five. To cut a long story short, my school teacher encouraged me to enter tahfiz competitions, which I did, up until form 5. In the meantime, I was also fortunate to be able to learn the art of tarannum and (a little bit of) barzanji from another dear teacher- Ustaz Hussein, whose gentle personality was a stark contrast to Ustaz Yusuf's. ;) My parents also made sure that we always had a Quran teacher to review our regular recitations, and I continued to have home lessons until right before I went to college. Thus the love, dreams and wishes were always there and I did manage to memorise several selected chapters on my own, but the dream to memorise the whole Quran had but evaporated by the time I entered medical school.


I can't pinpoint exactly when the idea crept its way back into my mind, but I was truly inspired after reading an article a couple of years ago about a grandmother who completed her memorisation of Al-Quran at the age of 82. The 'light bulb moment', however, came when I had a talk with my friend, Kak Ma after we had finished checking each other's memorisation one day. I shared with her about my then-abandoned dream and she immediately sold me on the idea of memorising Al-Quran in six months which were offered as a program in a number of institutions in our country. She sounded so serious and adamant that I eventually started to seriously think about it (which actually took place just a few minutes after, me being the compulsive person I was). I emailed my father that very afternoon to ask for his opinion- he promptly replied in the affirmative, and the rest was history.


The reason for me to do this, as I had said in a previous post, was as a wasilah for me to get closer to Him. My... 'saham akhirat', as they say. On the Day of Judgment, everyone will be seeking for something they can hold onto as a source of comfort and strength, and I hope this to be mine, inshaallah. And I hope to benefit others by sharing my humble experience and knowledge, and teaching Al-Quran to those in need. All these require hard work, and at times I do think I can be overly ambitious, and may Allah forgive me for it, but I believe I have procrastinated too much throughout the course of my life, and now is the moment to make up for all the lost time.


Another source of inspiration for me came from watching, reading, and learning about other people doing amazing things for the better of themselves and the ummah. First and foremost, which goes without saying, was our prophet Rasulullah s.a.w., other prophets, their companions, and leaders and fighters of past and present. Learning their sirah made me utterly proud of my roots and origins and stirred the dormant spirit in me to buck up and be more proactive. Some of us are leaders. Some are helpers/advisers. Some are fighters. Some are scholars. But all of us are a part of an ummah, and if we do our parts to the best of our ability, by the grace of Allah, we will be deserving of the title 'the best ummah' as described in the Quran.


And of course, my friends. :) They were at the core of my strength and inspiration, the ones who taught me what life was all about. And I know I keep gushing about how great my friends are from time to time, but honestly, I'm still at awe of this one tremendous blessing in my life- for Allah to always send good people to me to be my close company. Always. Alhamdulillah.


Putting work on hold was not that hard on my part, but my main concern was to have to fully rely on my parents financially again, as I wouldn't receive my scholarship money anymore. Thankfully my parents were very supportive and that was enough reassurance anyone could have. The other side of the matter was having to push myself harder when I started to work, not being 'fresh' from graduation and all. Moreover, this was Malaysia- notorious for a housemanship environment crazy enough to make you question your own sanity. But I tried to look at things in a bigger picture, and simply remained optimistic. You help in Allah's cause, He will help you. 


Now that I'm about to enter the working world (still waiting for the invitation letter, by the way), I know I'll be treading on thorny paths, and I'll probably cry a lot like many often do, but I'll be comforted by the feeling that it is all worth it. When you have found something that you feel really strongly about- your cause, your vision, your calling- all the blood, sweat and tears will only make you a happier person. :)


And that about concludes my long and winding answers to the questions. ;) As for the tahfiz school, I am not the right person to answer that; it is best to refer to other more experienced teachers or scholars who have gone through a thorough process of religious education and are familiar with the system. But I will say that environment is of utmost importance when you talk about memorising, so choose a place where you feel most comfortable and at ease, surrounded by good people (extremely important) and food.


Let's all do our best in making Al-Quran an integral part of our lives- read it, memorise it, live it. For those who are busy and can't dedicate their full time to it, you may try the famous Jibril method in memorising Al-Quran. As for me, the harder part has shown its colours- I still go to the maahad almost every day now to revise with my teacher, and it already feels much harder than the first time around (to which my teacher said, "that's normal". hehe).


So there... I know this is long, but I believe I've written longer stuff. ;) Well, I hope at least the one who asked me these questions would finish reading this. :) Have a good day.


ps: Quote of the week- my sister, a medical officer and future O&G specialist (inshaallah) called me from work three days ago to say, "I'm on call in labour room on labour day!" haha. May Allah bless you. ;D


pps: A little over an hour after I posted the above piece, and I received my job invitation letter! Alhamdulillah. (a bit sad as well because fun menganggur time's over.)

not-so-Little Brother

I just have to continue with this birthday-post spree, don't I? :D What can i say, we have so many April babies in the family (and friends too), of which I had outlined in detail in this ancient post.


Today is my brother, Muhammad's birthday. I think I have never dedicated a post to him either, except maybe the one about his capture by the Egyptian government. So, happy birthday Momad- may Allah bless you with the best from this world and the next! And I pray you'll come back one day as a successful cardiothoracic surgeon (or has the ambition changed?) and we can proceed with the plan to take over the nation. haha.

I've always liked this photo of you and Luqman. :)

My Walking Companion

I’ve never written an entire post about this person who holds a special place in my heart (I thought I might have over the years, but after a quick browse, nope, I in fact have not). So, seeing that today is her birthday and that I have been going on a birthday-post run once again for the past two posts- what better time, eh? :D

Happy birthday to my roommate of six years, Fatin- the one who had to put up with everything I brought to the table- good or bad- since we lived together; the one who would cook for me when I got home late, became ill, or was simply not up for it; the one who reluctantly (at least in the beginning ;p) became my sports-enthusiast buddy- watching all those matches on TV whilst also having to listen to my personal commentaries; the one who taught me just how diverse we are even amongst our own people (there are so many things done differently in Penang compared to Pahang in so many ways!); the one who supported me in every single thing I did, and still does.

She was also my faithful walking companion, so here’s a short video of pictures collected along the years (it’s very incomplete though, as I couldn’t find many pictures I searched for and was pressed for time and have zero skills in video-making), dedicated to the one place we’ve covered miles over on foot, the place we have come to call home- наш город Волгоград. :)

26

"Selamat menginsafi diri bahawa dgn bertambah satu nombor lagi usia dalam diari hidup ini, maka rasmilah juga yg baki umur makin berkurang dan takdir ajal makin menjelang... Eid milad saeid, as'adallahu hayatakum fiddarain"

The above text from my Arabic language teacher (he speaks like, six languages, by the way) near midnight on the eve of my birthday last Friday made me bawl for a good few minutes under my pillow. Twenty six years have rapidly passed, and I'm still wondering about what good I have done for my life, my religion and future afterlife. Very little, if any. And I'm not sure what to make of the words many people have thrown upon me for the past fortnight or so- amazing, inspiring, awesome... they're almost like heavy rocks being stuffed into my chest, because I am not. Any of those. I'm happy that my friends benefited from my experience, but I hope not to be seen other than as an average Muslim struggling to be better at best. Some might think I'm being modest, but I honestly am not. ;) At times like these the prayer of Abu Bakr As-Siddiq r.a. (or in some narrations Ali r.a.) will echo in my mind:

"O Allāh, make me better than what they think of me, and forgive me for what they do not know about me, and do not take me to account for what they say about me."

Often we look up to certain people, thinking they're so great and all perfect, when in fact it is due to the mercy of Allah that He has concealed their flaws from our eyes. And some of us take for granted that very blessing- that when people think you're such a nice and sweet person, you aren't just all that, you have a bunch of bad habits and weaknesses having been veiled in your favour by His grace.

In the light of turning a year older, I hope to improve my relationships with my Creator, other people, the nature, and with myself; to gradually eliminate all my bad habits; to survive housemanship with grace and dignity (and not lose my head in the process!), and to continue spreading da'wah in every way I know and am capable of. 

Please make du'a for me too. :)

Birthday cake bought by my dearest grandmother.:D

 

ps: I never thought I'd still receive gifts from my family members, but surprisingly I did! Thank you to my mother for the blouse, my father for the colour-illustrated sirah book of the prophet s.a.w., my grandparents and aunt for the novel and ang pow, my younger sister for doing my laundry duty for the day (hehe!), and my (ex) roommate for the cards and shopping bag (pos ekspres no less!). And of course, all the lovely prayers and wishes throughout the day. It was especially heartwarming to receive calls and messages later that night, for I immediately knew they were from my HO friends who had just finished working their heads off the entire day and still remembered to call their little friend to show they cared. Aaah, I love my friends.

Thank you Allah. ^_^

pps: My parents, youngest brother, grandparents and aunt are in Makkah, probably performing tawaf as I write. ;D May Allah accept all their deeds and keep them safe throughout their journey. And may He grant me the opportunity to visit His two most blessed lands once again.

Dearest Abah,

Happy 51st birthday! May Allah continue to confer blessings after blessings upon you in this world and the hereafter. 


I'm sorry for not being able to sing "Allah selamatkan kamu..." this morning like you used to do in the car to each and every one of us on our birthdays on the way to school. And I'm sorry I won't be back earlier tomorrow, but as I had explained (which you refused to listen), it was you who insisted I booked my interview for today last week. Hehe. Anyway, here's a little birthday note for you as a teeny consolation from your daughter.


You are the one who have always supported my every (okay, almost) little idea and endeavour; from my earliest childhood ambition (astronomer) to my various extracurricular activities to my latest undertaking, you have always been there to offer sound advice and encourage me to be the best that I can possibly be, and I can't thank Allah and you enough for that. 


Thank you for taking care of me for the past (almost) 26 years, for (almost) always being patient with my serabutness, klutziness and forgetfulness, for instilling the love for knowledge in me, for buying me kuih koci every Thursday, for your tough quizzes and illustrative insights, for your generosity in always giving me more than what I expected, for not giving up on me and believing in me.


And I apologise for every hurt I have scratched upon your heart, for my never-ending questions, for constantly making your coffee less sweet than you would prefer, for the times I complain too much, for not always rising up to your standards and expectations... and many more.


One of the best lessons that you have taught me which I will always distinctly remember was when I had a fallout with a close friend several years ago and lost contact with her for two years. I was certain that it wasn't my fault at all and thus, I thought, the weight didn't fall on me to offer an apology. But you told me that it didn't matter in the least, which one of us was at fault. What matters is to forge and maintain ties of friendship, and if we apologise to the other person, we might be seen as admitting we were wrong, but Allah knows the truth and will hold us in the highest regard in the Day of Judgment. And that that is all that matters. That really moved  me, and prompted me to straightaway contact my friend and apologise for our relationship turning sour... and all's well that ends well. ^_^


All in all, I thank Allah from the deepest corner of my heart for blessing me with a father who does not only love, but also educates. Alhamdulillah!


"The best gift from a Father to his child is education and upbringing."
Hadith of At-Tirmidhi on the authority of Sa'id Ibn Al-'as.


Love, Sofi.

Alhamdulillah, all praise be to Allah.

One of my prayers has been answered last Friday when He granted me the gift of completing my memorisation of His divine words, Al-Quran Al-Karim.

The final week was quite a stretch, as I was determined to finish on a Friday, the holiest of days, and had arranged my order of memorisation and recitations accordingly. My teacher was rather busy all week though, and I had almost thought I wouldn't make it, but praise be to Allah, the best Planner and the One Who Fulfills the prayers of His slaves, who made it all possible for me.

He who has been so good to me, despite the many times I have failed Him- giving me second chances when no others would, over and over again. No matter how deep in trouble I've got myself into, He would always come to my side, providing me a way out.

He who does not discriminate, whose love and mercy exceed any imaginable expectations.

He who has guided me to the truth- The One and Only Lord, The Most Merciful.

Now the harder part has come- to maintain my hifz with consistency. It's a lifetime commitment- a responsibility as well as a blessing. And I don't even have to mention the hardest part of all- to live out the teachings of the book; to emulate the walking Al-Quran- our beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w. Allahumma yassir wa la tu'assir wa tammim bilkhair...

Concurrently, a new, torturous exciting chapter of life is about to begin- W-O-R-K-I-N-G! It felt a little funny when I went to register with MMC and SPA a few days back that they kept calling me 'doctor'. I still don't feel like one, frankly (hopefully none of my future patients read this, they might question my credibility -__-).

Okay, I've been on cloud nine for several days already, time to wipe the dust off those medical books...

Have a good day, everyone.

Post-monsoon cleaning

Okay, it’s time for the long overdue mundane blubbering post (cue to roll eyes and close the tab for the tame-hearted).

Yesterday morning, we had what I would term as a post-monsoon cleaning, and, with the help of a cleaner (and her son), we rummaged through mountains of old (and new!) household goods and paraphernalia, discovering and rediscovering some wonders that we never realized (or have forgotten) we possessed. Examples include a new and unused 20-piece set of pots and pans, a large nonstick wok and a bunch of cleaning soaps and sprays. Ever the pack rat, I resolved to go through the old books one by one and rearrange mine in a specific container, and the same went for the old clothes. Halfway through (well, not even close, actually), however, I was brutally smothered by the sheer size of the junks that I eventually gave up and succumbed to the ‘trick’ I learned from my roommate when I was at the end of my tether packing before graduating last year- ‘just let it go’. Oh yes… but oh no. Bad idea, as it turned out, for I nearly threw away my mother’s wedding dress and gifts, and some old kiddie stuff with sentimental values. I guess kemas-kemas stuff will strongly remain at the pinnacle of my list of least favourite (I’m using very positive words here, see) household chores for a good time to come.

As it happened, I didn’t get to rest my sore gluteal muscles for more than a few minutes until much later in the evening, sashaying from one chore to another like there was no tomorrow. The blue sky in my nutsy day would unquestionably be eating the yoghurt with honey that I made in the afternoon using our brand-new yoghurt maker, bought with the help of our healthy lifestyle guru, Aunty Hanis! My first ever homemade yoghurt! Yay!

Cleaning sessions like this will usually bring me back to a nostalgic moment or two (or more) when I come across items with sentimental values (which by nature means almost everything there is). This time around, a warm feeling came when I found an old stamp-collecting album, a cherished childhood pastime of us three elder siblings and friends. Those were the times when we would fiercely compete for a bigger and more beautiful collection, and would tirelessly go through the rigorous process of separating stamps from the envelopes and drying them afterwards. Secret deals and negotiations would take place, usually with our father or late grandfather, who had in his possession a vast number of unique stamps, old and new- like the triangular and diamond-shaped ones. Sometimes we even ‘cheated’ by buying stamps at the stationery shop just to increase the ‘worth’ of our albums, although the sense of satisfaction was never the same.

Collecting was a huge hobby of mine as a child, and I learned a lot from it, like knowing the names of countries from the stamps and coins, many scientific facts from ‘fakta menakjubkan’ cutouts in Utusan newspaper (which I don’t read anymore, for obvious reasons), and improving my understanding of language from comic strips in NST (which I also don’t read anymore). I wonder if they still sell those stamps at stationery shops. I wonder if children today even collect them still. I mean, most of us don’t even send snail mails anymore, which is just a shame (I just posted one to a friend a few days ago, by the way. ;p). Sometimes the activities which demand more time and effort to accomplish give us (and others at the receiving ends) a better sense of satisfaction and appreciation, as in the case with collecting stamps and cutouts, or writing snail mails instead of e-mails. Sometimes old ways are simply better.

And, to conclude my mundane-post report, today I met my little green slimy friend (not!). Joy.

The end.

Ps: My parents spent the whole day reuniting with old varsity friends and are actually having dinner downstairs with them as I write. Happy reunion and may Allah strengthen the ties of friendship between each and every one of us!