Treading along the sidewalk at the heart of the city on my own one recent afternoon (though only for 15 minutes en route to a meeting) allowed me a distinctive occasion to observe the surroundings and swathe in the pure scent of unfamiliarity all around me. In a queer way, it did not rattle me to the least- a little welcoming, in fact. I’ve tried quite intently these days to detach myself from petty impedances- not to sweat the small stuff and let them corrupt my whole purpose of survival. I understand the degree of responsibility entrusted to me as a Muslim, daughter, sister and friend, and the purist in me hungers for perfection of my role(s). I’m not that arrogant to mean that factually- by perfection, I mean to go all out and do my best. To go overboard in earning my rights amongst the blessed fractions of mankind in the hereafter.
I realise that I would sound like a total ignorant with these mundane proclamations but more often than not, the better of us humans are so caught up in our worldly affairs that we would unconsciously tilt our scale towards the other side- the transient phase of our existence. As for me… there have been times… the times when I could have just kept quiet but chose to open my mouth and end up hurting people’s feelings without meaning to do so. The times when I get too emotionally involved in something and end up hurting my own morale unnecessarily. The times when I forget that Allah has mapped out His plans for each one of us and all we have to do is follow the straight path to Him. The times when I feel totally aghast upon witnessing the corruption of men but realise that I haven’t done anything to put a stop to it. The times when friendships and social standards win against firmly standing up for what is right and thus overshadow my better sense of judgement.
Prayers- are those enough for a weak soul like me who feels she hasn’t put in adequate efforts in everything for herself, let alone for the world?
Effort. A big word with great determination as prerequisite. I don’t know if I possess enough of that in my bones. History has testified that I would often draw back from giving out my best… for the fear of failing miserably. Stupid, yes. But just to clarify matters, I’m not a complete wreck- I just feel I haven’t been doing enough for the good of me. A great obstacle that I wish to overcome, and soon… insyaallah. Our efforts may not prove to be fruitful in this lifetime, but Allah knows the sincerity of our intentions. And He is the best amongst all givers.
I should most definitely pick up my anatomy textbook and begin reading. ;p
10 comments:
And why do I sense and sniff the 'deja-vu' ness of this whole classic-literature-like-worded entry??
Is history repeating itself again for the umpteenth time?
And you'd better slog through the anatomy textbook already! As I have reiterated many a times before, Anatomy is the bread and butter of medicine. You can't afford to treat it lightly!! No way jose!
life's a cycle, no?? hehe... no, I'm not only talking bout my studies this time... (they're actually quite fine =)) a bunch of other small details yg tak perlulah dimention di sini.. lol
And as I said, I'm not a complete wreck with my current state ;) I simply feel i can do so much better..
I can well understand the anguish of a 'doctor-mother', just as I am relieved to hear the explanation and clarification of a 'daughter-and-would-be-doctor.'
ALHAMDULILLAH.
p/s: And I think I can do so much better too. ;)
In more ways than one, your thoughts mirrored my own during those contemplative moments. You managed to put them in comprehensible writing though, that's over me =P
It's good to know that we have the strength to move on despite difficulties and our own shortcomings, with the help from people who care so much about us. And ultimately, with His Grace and Guidance.
Hmm I have a mind block. I can't read and digest meaningful entries properly at the moment.
But from what I have gleaned... live without regrets. And the one who has lived without regrets is the one who has tried her best and entrusted the rest to Allah the Almighty.
And forcertain actions... we are all imperfect and are all very much 'works in progress'. Don't be too hard on yourself about things that are already out of your control, but devote energy to what is within your domain of doing.
Am I making any sense here? I hope I did.
And good luck on your exam, may Allah make it easy for you.
kenakelayan....you are sound. no mind block. its just that she is serabut. i can imagine ifos walking, look blank and mulut kumat kamit sikit, and bila nampak orang sedang kusyuk, dia kacau kejap and then back to herself walking blank(actually in deep thoughts). thats why you and i cant understand her entry. yang understand mungkin dah baca 10x ulang, tenung, ulang, ketuk ketuk kepala sikit dan fikir rasa rasa faham. ;)
thats what i think. mi right ifos?
tambahan... masa tu... kalau prone to it, zit akan naik!
sorry..just an outsider with the same thoughts as the 2 prev comments..ooh..my head hurts..her writing's got style though..hehe
Pycnogenol and Crimsonskye: =D
Kenakelayan and Ikelah: to quote my physics teacher when we complained to her that we couldn't really understand the stuff in the textbook- 'read it at least 10 times- maybe for the 11th time you'll understand'. LOL.
'Outsider'- you're most welcome to this serabut blog. And I'll try to make myself more comprehensible next time =p
read your profile and while i cannot help you with floo powder, many people have told me that my backyard seems bigger inside it than outside it.
Salam
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